Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Crippled Masters 2 (1980, Shia Yue)


Political correctness is a touchy subject in today's world.  It seems the only time you see anything politically incorrect nowadays is either deliberately offensive or an homage to the innocent days when the world just "didn't know any better".  Sometimes when you are watching an older film, you have to take that into consideration.  Other times though, a film will just be so inexcusably/unbelievably politically incorrect that you can't believe your eyes.  This isn't always a bad thing either, as this film proves.

As the oh so politically incorrect title states, The Crippled Masters 2 (aka Two Crippled Heroes) centers around two martial arts experts who also happen to be handicapped.  The first (Frankie Shum) has one (malformed) arm and the other (Jackie Conn) has diminutive legs that don't work.  Our two crippled heroes stumble upon each other and after a fight become allies.  They take in a temporarily blind woman whom they both fancy though they agree not to let her find out that they are crippled (which is not hard considering SHE'S BLIND!).  They become embroiled in some local gangsters and a political leader and must unleash their special form of whoop ass to protect the blind heroine and one of the heroes' pet monkey.  Did I mention one of the heroes has a pet monkey that he pulls around on a metal chain?  PETA would have a field day with this one.

The Crippled Masters 2 is a fun martial arts film with some unbelievably awesome fight scenes.  What these guys can do given their handicaps is nothing short of amazing.  The story has some tender moments and though not wholly original, the fight scenes easily make up for it.  Jackie Conn's skateboard contraption, complete with detachable hooks connected to ropes to throw at victims is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.  Not to mention that he inexplicably flies through the air a few times in the film as well.  Frankie Shum's use of a bo, given his two fingered hand is also pretty incredible.  Though not the only martial arts film involving handicapped heroes (the first and third Crippled Masters films, Five Deadly Venoms, Crippled Avengers, Master of the Flying Guillotine, Mr. No Legs, to name a few) this is definitely a must see for martial arts fans or those who just like odd movies.

Crippled Masters 2 and it's sequel Crippled Masters 3 are both available for pre-order now or with a release date of January 25th, 2011 from Apprehensive Films.

RATING:  8/10

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Taint (2010, Drew Bolduc, Dan G. Nelson)


What's the most offensive, gory and just plain wrong movie you've ever seen? If you answered anything other than The Taint, then you obviously haven't seen it.

The Taint centers around Phil O'Ginny (Drew Bolduc), a whiny dufus with the worst haircut known to man.  While in the woods with his girlfriend, a psychotic killer starts hunting him.  Phil runs into Misandra (Colleen Walsh) who explains to him that the world is being overrun by madman.  As it turns out, the water supply has been "tainted" with a chemical that turns men into misogynistic killing machines who bash women's heads in with rocks.  This tainted water also causes other "physical" changes in those infected.

The Taint is one of those movies that not only goes for the kill, but smashes your brain, pulls out your intestines and then makes love to your lifeless corpse.  To say it's offensive is quite the understatement.  Vomiting, disemboweling, shooting, bashing, and any other violent or act to any body part you can think of are all here.  The acting is amateurish and the middle is a tad slow (even though the film is only 70 minutes long) but otherwise a fun film that holds nothing sacred, except making you puke.


RATING: 9/10

To purchase or download, go HERE

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Fourth Quarter Review 2010


Yes, I am still here.  I haven't been posting much lately due to life but can assure you I'm still watching a lot of movies and plan on putting up a bunch of reviews soon.  If you've been wondering what I've been watching, wonder no more.  Here's a list of movies I watched from 10/1/10 - 12/31/10.

10/1
Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

10/2
Lost Skeleton Returns Again

10/4
Dark and Stormy Night

10/5
Dark Night of the Scarecrow

10/6
Salo or 120 Days of Sodom

10/7
Trick 'r Treat

10/10
Phantasm

10/11
Score

10/12
Human Centipede

10/15
Phantasm 2

10/16
Lost Boys

10/17
Phantasm 3

10/20
Phantasm 4

10/23
Poltergeist

10/24
Poltergeist 2

10/25
Poltergeist 3

10/27
House of 1000 Corpses

10/29
Devil's Rejects

10/31
It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
Halloween III: Season of the Witch

11/3
Terror Within

11/7
Tombs of the Blind Dead

11/8
Mondo Cane

11/10
Women of the World

11/11
Mondo Cane 2

11/12
Sacred Triangle: Bowie, Iggy and Lou

11/13
400 Blows

11/14
The Hit

11/17
Monkey Hu$tle

11/20
Mona Lisa

11/22
Long Good Friday

11/23
Eat My Dust

11/28
Grand Theft Auto

11/30
California Split

12/2
Dr. No

12/4
From Russia with Love

12/5
Goldfinger

12/7
Thunderball
I'm Still Here

12/10
You Only Live Twice
On Her Majesty's Secret Service

12/11
Diamonds are Forever
Live and Let Die
The Man with the Golden Gun

12/12
The Spy Who Loved Me
The Anderson Tapes

12/15
Crippled Masters 2

12/16
Tron

12/18
Enter the Dragon

12/20
Fearless Freaks

12/24
Light of Day

12/28
Grown Ups

12/31
The Backup Plan

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Taint - now available as an HD DOWNLOAD

That's right folks, THE movie everyone is talking about (at least those that are sick and depraved) is now available as an HD Download.  The digital version of The Taint soundtrack is also available.  You can check them out HERE!