Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Howling: New Moon Rising (1995, Clive Turner)


I survived! The Howling marathon has come to its conclusion with The Howling: New Moon Rising. Like I stated before, I didn't even know this film existed until way after the fact, due to it's limited availability on Region 2 DVD or VHS. I was very surprised that I found a brand new/sealed VHS copy for $2.00. It was like I struck gold. I couldn't figure out why it was so cheap. Maybe it's not that good?

The Howling: New Moon Rising (I'm not typing that again, it's too damn long. Why couldn't they have just called it Howling VII?) takes place right after the events in the sixth film. The bones of a werewolf are found in some redneck town. A mysterious Australian stranger named Ted (Clive Turner) stumbles into town (what's with these people from other countries mysteriously "appearing" in East Asscrack, USA seemingly out of nowhere?) looking for....this sounds really familiar...food and shelter in exchange for work. He gets hired to work at some hillbilly bar where line dancin' and singin' runs rampant. Ted fits right in (despite the fact that he's a long haired Australian who kind of looks like Eric Idle from Monty Python) and is soon cracking (very, very, very bad) jokes with the local yokels. After a bunch of songs and bad jokes, there is a werewolf prowling around, or at least we suspect that's what it is with the nauseatingly bright and blurry POV camera work.

I could go on, but what's the point? This movie sucked so hard. Easily the worst in the series, it actually made me yearn for part III. The acting in this film is some of the worst I have ever seen. Apparently most of the "actors" in this film are actually real people just hired because they were already regulars at the bar that most of the (non) action takes place. If you watch the end credits you'll notice that most of the cast use their real names. I believe there is only one scene with a werewolf (not including flashbacks from parts IV, V and VI, which they unsuccessfully try to tie to this film) and it looks really bad. The fact that the director, producer, writer and star are all the same person (Clive Turner) should have warned me how stinky this giant loaf of a movie would be. The film is half footage of assorted bar patrons performing country songs on the bar's stage. And I'm not talking about normal films that take place in bars where the band is performing in the background and the camera focuses on the main characters. In this, the band is more of a main character than anyone else. Did I mention how bad the acting was? I swear to God I was expecting to see someone holding cue cards on the side of the screen. I don't know why this movie was made but I wish it wasn't. It depressed me how bad it was and now I feel bloated from all of the comfort food I had to consume to make it to the end. I'm going to stop now before I hit something. Don't watch this movie, unless you want to suck.

RATING: 1/5


3 comments:

  1. Is it any surprise this isnt on DVD?? I bet you couldnt have possibly imagined it was going to be that bad in your wildest dreams. I have never seen anything like it, but now that you have seen it we'll see how close our reviews came:

    "This is such an unbelievably terrible excuse for anything, its seriously like they went to the smallest middle American town in the US and just filmed their daily lives at the bar. You see the werewolf (thankfully) once in the closing scene, for one second, and that one second is better than the thousands preceeding it. A mysterious biker holes up in a small western town, when its inhabitants begin dying under mysterious circumstances slash animal attacks. Honestly, the coolest thing about this film was the awesome VHS cover, damn that was sweet, what a deceitful cover.

    Rating: 2/10."

    Id say we were in agreeance. Official worst movie ever.

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  2. WOW I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD SEEN THIS...

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  3. Hi, great reviews of the Howling-flicks and most of them spot-on, as far as I'm concerned. Not to be nit-picking, but there is sort of an eight entry in the Howling series. It's called Howling: Resurrection but is also known as The Strangers (the 1998 one, not the 2008 one). I haven't seen it yet, but I think the 'Howling' renaming is just a way to jump on the bandwagon (poor wagon that it is, all things considered) because the story has nothing to do with anything whatsoever from the Howling-franchise. Good luck tracking it down, cause you do want to be complete, don't you ;-)?

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